Hellllo, folks, to the FOODGOAT Cleveland Burgerweight Championships! (*raucous cheers erupt from the crowd!*)
In this corner, we have our current breakout champ, winning the belt just one month ago, blowing away the no-name competition with their juicy burgers and master of a burger-slinger, the one, the only, Stevenson's Bar & Grille!
And in this corner, his challenger, an upstart burger contender that's been building a quite a rep among those who know, the Wickliffe greasy spoon Dominick's Cafe!
Round one! (*ding!)
Dominick's is coming up, and he's looking good by looking bad: the dingy nieghborhood hole in the wall, with just about every seat at the bar taken up. Uh oh, that hook might have gone too far: the clientele are questionable looking kids drinking beers in t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off.
But don't leave yet, folks, the round's just beginning. And look, it's around 6-ish and it looks like Dominick's is changing his tactic: now it's old people coming in! Old people sitting in the tables! To eat! The contender is back!
And now Dominick's makes his big move: Windy burgers with bacon and cheese and onions! Followed by a quick fries and onion rings on the side! And served up in a red plastic basket. The crowd bites! And again! I can't tell what's going on! A buttery bun hits Stevenson's square on the jaw! He's stunned! He looks like he might fall, but ... but no! He's rallying! The meat and bacon are holding! But the onion rings are frozen and Dominick's looks vulnerable now!
And just like that that, it's all over. Dominick's Cafe came close but in the end the reigning Stevenson's squeaks by to maintain his title of Best Cleveland Burger. (*cheering!)