Wednesday, April 15, 2009
GoatSpawn Calls Customer Service
Press 1 for a diaper change, 2 for a song, 3 for hunger issues ...
Ladygoat: Hello, this is Ladygoat, mama to GoatSpawn. How can I assist you today?
GoatSpawn: I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been awfully hungry lately.
Ladygoat: I'm aware of the issue, and I am already taking steps to take care of it.
GoatSpawn: You are?
Ladygoat: Yes. I first noticed it a few days ago. Are you waking up a lot at night again?
GoatSpawn: Why, yes, I am.
Ladygoat: And how do your clothes fit?
GoatSpawn: Not so good anymore.
Ladygoat: I thought so. We think you're going through a growth spurt.
GoatSpawn: Can I get more avocados and sweet potatoes now?
Ladygoat: Yes, of course, but only after you've have a good serving of Ladygoat milk. You are still supposed to get most of your nutrients and calories from milk, not food. The milk is more suited to your nutritional needs than any food.
GoatSpawn: Well then, I was wondering if you could boost the milk production a bit?
Ladygoat: Sure. It's being worked on. It responds to supply and demand, and since you're demanding more, supply is more too.
GoatSpawn: Isn't there anything else you are doing to speed things up a bit?
Ladygoat: Yes - oatmeal. I eat a giant bowl of oatmeal in the morning. It actually works for me - once, I got 40% more milk on the day I had oatmeal.
GoatSpawn: How about beer?
Ladygoat: I haven't tried beer, but since Foodgoat always has beer around, maybe I will.
GoatSpawn: And fenugreek?
Ladygoat: I hear it works really well, but since it's in the same family as peanuts, and I'm deathly allergic to peanuts, I'm sticking to oatmeal just in case (although chickpeas are also in the same family, and I can eat them).
GoatSpawn: What else are you doing?
Ladygoat: Staying hydrated helps a lot, pumping more helps, as does not getting too stressed out.
GoatSpawn: When I am stressed out, I like to cry and suck on my fingers. Have you tried that?
Ladygoat: Yes, but it doesn't go over too well at work. Is there anything else I can help with?
GoatSpawn: No, thank you. When can I expect to see more milk?
Ladygoat: Right away!
GoatSpawn: Great! While I've got you on the line, can you do something about the green turtle on my play center? I like the yellow duck but that green turtle never listens to me.
Ladygoat: I'll see what I can do.